Reviewed: Insanity & Krazi Kebob

In honor of the Affordable Care Act being upheld, we thought it was high time to stop being lazy and exercise our right to sit on the couch and watch other people be healthy.

We chose another Shaun T vehicle, Insanity, because Jen’s husband saw a late night advertisement, and recommended it highly. It promised people collapsing on the floor, wild jumping, and plenty of Shaun T-isms.

Insanity, from what we can tell, is similar to P90X. It claims that you can get a beach body in 60 days through “max interval training.” The definition of which seems to be working out until you collapse or throw up.

We decided that pairing Insanity with Krazi Kebob—Indian, Pakistaini and Mexican fusion—would be thematically appropriate.

Full disclosure: Kira eats Krazi Kebob once a week. She picked up the takeout on her way home from work, so by the time we were ready to get insane, the fusion cuisine could be more accurately described as “cold fusion.“ 

Insanity
Vintage: 2009
Host: Shaun T
Length of Workout: 40 minutes per workout
How Long We Managed to Watch: 40 minutes, plus 4 minutes of Intro video
Target Area: EVERYWHERE
Kind of Music: Inspiring, anthemic guitar riffs, and cool down piano ballads.
Midriff Quotient: 99%
Mise en scene: High school gymnasium minimalistic.
New vocabulary words: Plyometrics, C-sit
Time That It Took a Gentleman to Take Off His Shirt: 21:20
Time That It Took All the Gentlemen to Take Off Their Shirts: 25:41
Time That it Took Shaun T to Take Off His Shirt: 28:53

Krazi Kebob Menu

Appetizer

Vegetarian Krazi Grande Nacho: $7.59
Bonus Samosas: Free

Entrée

Vegetarian Krazi Naan Quesadilla: $6.59
Vegetarian Fresh Naan Burrito: $6.59 


Best Name for a Move

Kira: Mummy Kicks.

Jen: Mummy Kicks. However, I loved Shaun T’s explanation of a move he called Butt Kicks: “You kick your foot up to your butt. Hence the name, Butt Kicks.”


Easiest Looking Move that We Didn’t Try

Kira: Jumping jacks and stretching? The stretching was boring to watch. I get that it’s important to warm up your body, but it’s not good television.

Jen: Drinking water.


Hardest Looking Move that We Didn’t Try

Kira: The 1-2-3 move looked very complicated. I’m not coordinated enough to jump-shuffle sideways.

Jen: The Mountain Climber, which looks basically how it sounds, appeared really hard to sustain. The Ski Abs, though, that was the move that took everyone out.

 

Favorite Back Up Dancer

Kira: Chris was a very sympathetic character. He was in the very back and looked like he was working through a hangover.

Jen: The girl in the blue sports bra with midcalf workout pants, and bangs pulled back in a headband. She was a survivor. She kept Mountain Climbing and Ski Abbing and refused to quit. All the girls were my favorite. They were by far the gender who looked the least like they were about to die.

Best Accessory

Kira: Chris’s around-the-abs heart rate monitor!

Jen: Johnny with the braided mullet I suppose? There wasn’t a lot of flare to Insanity. The outfits were plain, as if they were going into combat in a sauna.


Best Motivational Phrase

Kira: “Rest when needed.”

Jen: “It’s like you’re sticking that thing into the mountain.” 


Best Dialogue Exchange

Shaun T: “How do you feel?”

Tramp Stamp Girl: “Aahhrogoigoihgoihgoihoihgoihgh”


Additional Notes

Kira: I like the juxtaposition of Shaun T asking everyone to go faster, and the message at the bottom of the screen saying, “Go At Your Own Pace.”

Jen: You know, Shaun T sure takes a lot of breaks.

Kira: These people look incredibly fit to begin with, but they look exhausted just by the warm up. Chris runs marathons, y’all.

Jen: I realized things were getting serious when the ladies starting hitting their thigh muscles as if they were trying to jump-start a car.

Kira: I felt stressed. Everyone in the video looked so stressed. Well, except for Shaun T, of course.

Jen: I really felt the insanity when a Jenna Elfman look alike mouthed to the camera, “This is hard.”

Kira: When Shaun T says to check your heart rate, I’m not sure I’d know what I’d be looking for. I know how to check my pulse, but am completely unaware of what my heart rate should be.

Jen: I felt a lot of sympathy fatigue.

Kira: I appreciate the hugs and high fives at the end. I think everyone needed that.

 

Vegetarian Krazi Grande Nacho

Kira: The chip are housemade and seasoned with spices and lime, but they’re much better fresh. We had to use forks to eat nachos.

Jen: Why is there is rice in my nachos?


Bonus Samosas

Kira: Meh. *shakes her head*

Jen: This is when I realized that there aren’t any kebobs at Krazi Kebob.


Vegetarian Krazi Naan Quesadilla

Kira: Real talk: I love the shit out of it. It may even be a password I use. But you know how you have your usual, and when you don’t get your usual, it seems off? I always have the spicy chicken, so getting the vegetarian with paneer is good and all, but it’s not my usual.

Jen: The quesadilla was my favorite. It had cheese, it was in a manageable form, and the spices were nicely balanced.

Vegetarian Fresh Naan Burrito

Kira: This is my usual go-to, having it with paneer was again lackluster.

Jen: Though the wrap looked like the quesadilla, only cylinder-shaped instead of half-moon shaped, it was my least favorite. It had all the same ingredients as the nachos and the quesadilla, but without the cheese. Why would you do that to a burrito?

High fives and hugs, everyone! 

“One day you order takeout and it changes your life.” –Nora Ephron

Coming to an internet near you.

Coming to an internet near you.

Reviewed: Hip Hop Abs & A Smörgåsbord From Ikea

One night, two friends wanted to eat weird Ikea food, but they also wanted to check out an exercise video that one of them just bought on the internet. They suddenly realized that they didn’t have to choose. It was possible to eat Knäckebroöd and watch people work on their core, AT THE SAME TIME. Not only could they finish dinner, but not doing the exercises also allowed them to take in the mise en scene, and experience the motivational dialogue. It worked so well, they decided to make a tumblr out of it.

Hip Hop Abs
Vintage
: 2007
Host: Shaun T
Length of Workout: 2 hours
How Long We Managed to Watch: 64 minutes
Target Area: Abs!
Kind of Music: Hip Hop! And a lot of talk-rapping instructions.
Midriff Quotient: 86%
Special Features: Option for “Even Louder Music,” a meet the cast special, and a “Take it to the Dance Floor” bonus round to take the ab fab moves to the dance floor.
Favorite DVD Cover Typo: “Take It to the Dence Floor”
How long it took Jen to snort: 34 minutes
How long it took Kira to fall in love with Shaun T: 36 minutes

Ikea Smörgåsbord Menu

Appetizer
Pastej Krabba/Ikea Crab Paste: $2.59
Knäckebroöd Flerkorn/Ikea Cripsbread Multigrain: $2.99
Prastocheese/Ikea Cheese: $4.50

Entrée
Pizzabitar/Ikea Vegetarian Pizza: $5.29
Grönsakskaka/Ikea Broccoli Potato Medallions: $5.29

Desert
Tarta Mandel/Ikea Almond Cake: $4.99

Best Name for a Move
Jen: Oblique Summer, hands down. I can’t remember what the move was since I was in a hurry to write down the name.
Kira: The Frat Step, I like that it exists.

Favorite Back Up Dancer
Kira: I’m going to go with the guy from Pennsylvania. He won my heart over the guy from Miami.
Jen: Obviously, the guy from Pennsylvania. He wore a baggy muscle T, he had bleached tips and he was very excited about being from Pennsylvania. 

Best Accessory
Kira: Belly button ring, because it really put the emphasis on the abs that we’re talking about.
Jen: I really liked the girl from San Francisco’s combination of the velour sports bra and the tramp stamp. She seemed like she put some thought into her outfit, and she didn’t cover up her tramp stamp—she owned it.

Easiest Looking Move that We Didn’t Try
Kira: I would say marching in place, but I feel like that will be in every exercise video.
Jen: I think the move where you march in place and holding your hands up to the side. I believe that was called “Hands Up.”

Hardest Looking Move that We Didn’t Try
Kira: The girl from New Orleans did a pushup with her leg over her arm. That wasn’t technically in the workout, only in the Meet the Cast bonus, but it looked really hard.
Jen: I don’t know, there was this one move where they had to jump from side to side a bunch. That seemed exhausting.

Best Motivational Phrase
Kira: Here are some things Shaun T said that I loved:

  • Heeyyyyyy, heyyyyyy.
  • You may be down on the ground, but my energy is way up here. Heyyyyyyy.
  • I’m just pulsing through!
  • Oh my goodness, you were so amazing today!
  • It’s HipHop Abs, y’all.
  • I don’t do nothing but fun.

Jen: For me, it’s a tie between:

  • Do you feel me? Do you want me?
  • Shaun T is here with you, y’all.

Additional Notes
Kira: Why are they sweating so much?? Is it that strenuous?
Jen: Why do they need gloves?
Kira: Meet the cast is a nice touch!
Jen: He’s rocking out even in the cool down!
Jen: He has not stopped talk-rapping! Not once!
Kira: Is it weird that there are commercials in the video? Are they all like this? I guess we’ll find out. Yoga Booty Ballet!!!
Jen: I feel like we made a crucial mistake not choosing the option for Even Louder Music. 


Crab Paste
Kira: I actually think that was my favorite thing. It was salty and dill-y.
Jen: Yeah, I wouldn’t have thought that this would be the front runner when we started the meal. But it… tasted like food? Though, I brought it into work and no one would touch it.

Crispbread
Kira: You could put all sorts of shit on this and it would be fine. It’s pretty versatile.
Jen: It’s as versatile as cardboard.

Cheese
Kira: Unremarkable either way. It’s totally cheese.
Jen: It’s passable as cheese, in the way that Velveeta is passable as cheese. It would never be my night cheese, and it would never make a good queso.

Pizza
Kira: NOT GOOD. Blandest pizza in the land.
Jen: In possibly the grossest foodie move, I put the crab paste on the pizza to make it taste like something.

Broccoli Potato Medallion
Kira: I don’t know on what occasion I would ever eat them again, but I’ll take them home and eat them when there’s nothing else to eat in the house. I wanted to put hot sauce on them, and luckily I had some in my purse. So I did.
Jen: They were fine. I’d like to put a whole bunch of cheese on them, particularly not the Ikea cheese. 

Almond Cake
Kira: Not good. I liked it less than the pizza, because I couldn’t cover it with hot sauce.
Jen: It was a totally unremarkable moment in cake. 

Coming soon!

Coming soon!